Tag: feminism

Wibbly Wobbly Girly Whirly: Sci-Fi and Girl Power

Posted on by jmsheridan

Words: Jessica Sheridan

Whovians are all astir this week following the BBC’s casting announcement for the next Doctor. It’s typically an exciting time for fans of Doctor Who, whose central character has the ability to conveniently regenerate into a new body every couple of seasons. It’s a clever plot device, and perhaps the main reason the show has had such a long run time.

Previously the role has had a parade of actors filling in for the Tardis-driving alien from Galifrey, including most recently Peter Capaldi, Matt Smith and David Tenant. And while they all brought their own flavour and zest to the role, they have all had a lot in common – notably:

They were all men.

Which is fine, for the record. Characters have to have some form of identity and it just so happened that for the last 36 seasons the Doctor was male. It was perhaps a little problematic that his companions were usually female, and usually in love with him, establishing an undeniable power imbalance. But that’s another topic for another day. For now, my point is simply that the Doctor just so happened to be male until now and that was fine.

Enter Jodie Whittaker who has been cast to play the 13th Doctor. Jodie Whittaker. A woman. And that is fine.

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Viral Meme

Of course the reaction has been exactly what you’d expect: disappointing. Many people voiced their concerns about Whittaker, often beginning with the classic “I’m not a sexist, but…” caveat that people still think excuses their sexism. Many people made derogatory comments at Whittaker’s expense, some threatened they would boycott the show, and one media outlet responded by posting naked photos of Whittaker in their coverage of the announcement. Real classy, guys.

To clarify, I’m not disappointed in the casting choice. I’m not too familiar with Whittaker’s work, but up until now they haven’t got it wrong when it comes to casting everyone’s favourite alien, so why would they start now? I have faith that she will make an excellent Doctor, as I’m sure she has already proven to the show creators.

But there is a very, very, very vocal minority (yes – a minority) that is throwing a tantrum because their precious Doctor is regenerating as a woman.

The Doctor. A timelord. A character not from this world. An alien. The last of their kind (in the new series at least). A creature with two hearts and strange powers and a space ship that looks like a police box but it’s bigger on the inside and can travel through space and time. People are having a fit because this Doctor – this impossible character – is now a woman.

Imagine literally being angry that, after 36 seasons of male Doctors, they decided to try out a female Doctor? Imagine masculinity so fragile that one woman in a crowd of men was enough to send the internet into a spin?

Twitter statistics indicating that around 80% of users reacted positively to the announcement. But 20% of people are mad. Fingers have been pointed at ‘social justice warriors’ and ‘feminazis’ and people being ‘too politically correct’ for ruining their favourite sci-fi show. But in their fickle rage they have perhaps forgotten that this announcement was a long time coming. Because sci-fi has always been progressive.

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Mary Shelley. Image – famousauthors.org

When you consider the origins of sci-fi it should come as no surprise that we have landed here – with a female Doctor. Mary Shelley is often credited with the first true work of modern science fiction with her story Frankenstein. Shelley was one of very few female authors in her time, and faced many setbacks in her career based on her gender. But she pushed through, and ended up writing one of the most infamous characters in literature history – Frankenstein’s Monster.

Since these empowering origins, the genre has taken leaps and bounds in reflecting societal progress. After all, consider the meat of the genre. Science fiction plots often centre on futuristic science experiments and exploration of the unknown – progress is at the heart of the genre. Why would science fiction – which pushes the limits of the imagination and presents life as it could be – fall at the mercy of outdated gender norms?

Princess Leia. Image: starwars.com

Science fiction has produced some of the best heroines in all of fiction. Princess Leia, who later becomes General Organa, is an iconic character layered in feminism and general baddassary. Sarah Conner is pivotal in the Terminator franchise and fights her own battles to keep her son safe. Dana Scully from the X Files kicks just as much ass in her role as Special Agent, and even Leela from Futurama cannot be discounted for her heroism in the midst of comedic disaster.

Doctor Who itself has produced some amazingly strong female side characters, such as Riversong, Donna Noble, and Martha Jones. Strong women can be found all throughout sci-fi; perhaps not always in the spotlight, but they are there. They have been for some time.

But it’s time to step off the sidelines and into the spotlight. Out of the romantic subplot and into the crux of it all. We have these strong female characters, but now it’s time to put them into leading roles where all strong role models belong. Because representation does matter, and it’s important that girls see strong women leading the way from time to time – if not at least half of the time.

We need to embrace lead characters that are different and not feel threatened by them. We need to make room for women and minorities to make equal contributions without lashing out and demanding that they sacrifice one of their few beloved minority leads as payment for every new lead. And we need to give media the chance to progress forward, and not resist change so forcefully if just for the sake of resisting.

Featured Image: Jodie Whittaker from denofgeek.com

Trading Pleasure for Consent

Posted on by jmsheridan

Let’s get one thing straight: stealthing is sexual assault.

You could be forgiven for not knowing what stealthing is, except that is part of the problem. Recently the HuffPost claimed stealthing was a ‘new sex practice’, but since then people all over the world have been coming forward and telling their stories, implying there is nothing new going on here. We are just finally talking about it.

The term itself is fairly new and the internet has been quick to inject the phrase into the online lexicon. But in case you’re still not familiar with it allow me to summarise:

Stealthing is the act whereby one party removes the condom during sex without the other party’s knowledge or consent. Gross, right?

The recent surge of online debate over stealthing began when Alexandra Brodsky of Yale Law School posted a study suggesting that the trend was on the rise in the US and calling for new laws to concretely safeguard victims.

Source: Instagram/@honestly_quotes

In recent years, courts from all over the world have found stealthing to be a clear breach of bodily integrity and a non-consensual sexual act. Bills have been introduced in the US to criminalise it in California and Wisconsin, and a similar piece of legislation is under consideration in the UK.

Now that you know what stealthing means you’re probably thinking ‘Oh, I’ve heard stories about that. Hasn’t that been going on for ages?’ And the sad truth is yes, it probably has. The development of sexual assault and other crimes of a sexual nature, as they are defined under the law, has been painstakingly slow. Some parts of Australia had no laws against marital rape until 1987, and we only managed to introduce legislation criminalising image-based abuse, commonly referred to as ‘revenge porn’ this year. We’ve been well behind the game.

This slow progress can also be seen in stealthing. There have been no cases of stealthing brought before the courts in Australia, and no legislation specifically mentions the ramifications if protection is removed during intercourse without both parties consenting. I can understand the law being slow if it is catching up with technology, but condoms aren’t exactly the latest and greatest in contraception. So what’s the deal?

If I were a betting woman – and I’m not, but if I were – I would guess that the reason there has been no action in this area of law is because nobody is reporting it. Like most issues with sexual assault, it all comes down to whether the victims step forward. And as usual this comes with a whole other mix of problems, from not understanding that what happened was ‘assault’, to not wanting to get a friend or loved one in trouble. One account online of a victim of stealthing also noted that the police did not take her matter seriously when she gave her statement. Sound familiar?

Time and time again victims of sexual assault are having to fight against this overriding theme that consent is not as important as pleasure. Allegations of rape always contain questions over whether the victim was ‘asking for it’ or whether the victim simply regretted it the next day. Sex is fun, sex is pleasurable, people love to have sex! So victims are asked if they are sure they didn’t consent, and if they are sure it was rape. Because to some people any sex is still sex.

Stealthing is the ultimate example of this. Offenders remove the condom, most typically because they can experience more pleasure without it, be it from the physical experience or the feeling of degrading the other party. And in exchange for this pleasure is the consent of the victim, who has no idea that the terms upon which they agreed to have intercourse have been rewritten.

Imagine sex like a contract. Both parties put forward their terms. Lights off. Reciprocal orgasms. But most importantly: a condom. Then during the execution of the contract the terms are changed. And not just any term, but one of the big ones. One of the terms that protects a party’s physical autonomy – the term that protects them from falling pregnant or potentially contracting an STI. That shield is literally taken away.

If you agreed to enter a boxing match on the condition you wear protective gear, wouldn’t you be angry if half way through the match they took your helmet away and continued to punch you?

So while Australian law remains silent on stealthing, it is important that victims don’t. Men, women and non-binary victims who have had their bodily integrity compromised by the selfishness of another. People who have been violated and assaulted by offenders who have consistently gone unpunished.

Stealthing is not a prank. It is not a joke. There is nothing funny about sexual assault.

And as far as I’m concerned that’s all stealthing is: sexual assault. And the sooner we stop trying to divert the conversation about sex-based crimes with discussions centered around pleasure, the better.

Featured Image: Encouraging Life Organisation which provides services on ‘reproductive, sexual health and comprehensive sex education’

The Price Women Pay for Embracing their Sexuality

Posted on by Noelle Martin

I was just 10 years old when I hit puberty and I physically matured into a young woman very quickly.  I had C cups by the time I was 12 which made me the target of a lot of unwanted attention from a very early age. However, my body still hadn’t finished growing and soon I became known as the ‘girl with the big boobs’, whether I liked it or not.

Picture: Paige ‘Rampaige’ Halsey Warren

As a young girl with a body of a grown woman, things got really awkward. During my school years I would be so embarrassed to participate in sporting activities, especially running for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t dare to get undressed in the common areas of the changing rooms, I’d wait for the next free cubicle. And clothes just didn’t fit or if they did it was because I had stretched out the material to maximum capacity. The buttons on my school dresses would constantly break free.

In my teens I became acutely aware of how I would be perceived if I wore certain clothes. Things I wore always tended to look suggestive or provocative without even trying. Even if I wanted to wear such clothes my parents wouldn’t allow it. So, the only other option was to wear clothes that made me look and feel – and I mean no offence – like a nun. My sisters have always been petite and they could wear anything – singlets, backless tops, crop tops, but for some reason they didn’t look suggestive, so it was okay for them to wear whatever they wanted.

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Picture: Paige ‘Rampaige’ Halsey Warren

I remember how I would CRY. I would throw the worst tantrums because I was frustrated. It felt so unfair that I couldn’t wear nice clothes because I was going to be perceived as attention-seeking, slutty and promiscuous, yet my sisters could wear whatever they wanted.

As I entered my late teens, like any other girl my age, I wanted to look and feel sexy. I felt so constricted and repressed that I couldn’t wear the clothes I wanted, so I started to rebel. My parents (who are the greatest and who I love very much) were not happy. ‘Have some self-respect’, don’t look like ‘trash’, ‘cover yourself’ they would say, as if there was something inherently shameful about my body. And for a moment in time I internalised that shame, that false correlation between what one wears and their self-respect, and the view that our bodies are somehow tied to our worth.

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Me SLAYING – Present Day

However, it wasn’t long before I became ‘woke’ (a slang word for socially aware). I learnt about women’s sexual liberation. A movement that challenges traditional social expectations about how women should look, dress, talk and act, in relation to sexuality. And IT IS LIBERATING. IT IS EMPOWERING. TO OWN AND EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY. TO EXERCISE CHOICE. To rid yourself of the shame and outdated expectations that have been imposed upon women for so long.

Unfortunately, not everyone is woke. People still judge, criticise and condemn women for embracing their sexuality. What makes me so sad and quite frankly fucking angry – is that there is ALREADY so much self-hatred in this world, so many people suffer from body-image issues, low self-esteem and depression. Why are we trying to bring people down and shame women for embracing themselves, or for showing an ounce of confidence? (live and let live, love and let love). It’s freaking hard enough to love yourself in a society that constantly tells you that you’re not good enough.

However, I do believe that one should dress for the setting they are in, like in a professional setting, funeral or gym. There are appropriate clothing conventions we abide by for various reasons. But even if a woman respects dress codes where ‘appropriate’, the moment she’s caught violating ‘traditional social expectations’ which dictate how a woman should dress – some people will question her worth, credibility, value, assume things, judge and criticise her.

Source: Screenshot from news.com.au

Don’t believe the Western world is as dire as I’m making it out?

Well, Emma Watson’s recent photoshoot illustrates the situation. Watson, a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and highly successful, talented actress was criticised for a ‘topless’ photo taken as part of the shoot. She was shamed, even by other women on social media. Watson, known for championing feminism, was called a hypocrite for showing her boobs. A writer for the Huffington Post described the situation PERFECTLY:

“In one simple photo, Watson has inadvertently bared a troubling truth that our society still, in 2017, cannot fathom the possibility that women can both express themselves sexually AND express a desire for equality, simultaneously” – Hannah Cranston.

A few years ago, a similar image went viral:

As perfectly evidenced by this picture (below-right) – the price of a woman owning her sexuality means that people will try to diminish and discredit the reputation, accomplishments and character of even the most highly influential women in the world – just from her choice of attire.

Rape Culture/Victim Blaming/Slut Shaming/Image-Based Sexual Assault:

Source: Facebook

The price of a woman owning her sexuality can and does become very dangerous. Women are often victim blamed and slut shamed in cases of rape, people say ‘she shouldn’t have worn that, she was asking for it’. Women are often victim blamed and slut shamed in cases of ‘image based sexual assault’ such as revenge porn, for sending intimate images in the first place. It really seems like women are being punished for just being women.

For too long, women have been told to hide themselves, that they should feel ashamed of their sexuality. Women SHOULD NOT have to pay a price for embracing their sexuality. Let’s celebrate women reclaiming their bodies and dressing however the fuck they want, in whatever the fuck they want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Not Your Honey’ – When Sexual Empowerment Disempowers

Posted on by jmsheridan

Words: Jessica Sheridan

One of the difficult daily conundrums for women is the pressure to be sexy, but not too sexy. We are encouraged to wear high heels, but not too high, to wear low cut tops, but not too low cut. Honestly it’s a minefield of social faux pas trying to balance the two camps, and it often results in the stifling of our sexuality for fear of being too sexually open.

But women should be able to talk about sex. More than just that, women should be able to talk about pleasure, sexual desires and dislikes, the sensuality of their bodies – everything. I believe women should stand their ground and own their sexuality, recognising that their pleasure is just as important as their partners and their bodies really are a wonderland. Women should not have to feel ashamed of being sexy.

Honey Birdette is one brand that claims to stand for this idea. On their website, they introduce themselves as ‘Pleasure parlours’ created to ‘inject a sense of sensuality into the Australian bedroom.’ Many people are likely familiar with the brand: their decadent shop fronts of gold and black can hardly be missed, and they are known for selling luxury lingerie and sex toys unashamedly. And rightly so – there should be no shame in consensual sexual pleasure.

But not everything is always as it seems.

Recently ex-employees of Honey Birdette have come forward to speak out about the brand, claiming poor work conditions, sexism, and being subjected to sexual harassment. At a protest in Victoria on December 9th a group of ex-employees gathered in Melbourne to bring attention to the backwards working conditions they were subjected to. The ex-employees were seen burning bras and sporting signs that read ‘Not Your Honey’ in protest of the mistreatment and sexual harassment they faced during their employment.

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Former Honey Birdette employees fight back against poor working conditions. Source: Twitter

And it’s not just the protest. A petition has started online calling for change to Honey Birdette’s dress code, policies, and attitude toward sexual harassment. The campaign creator Chanelle Rogers wrote in her preamble to the petition:

‘I saw workers humiliated and threatened by management because they weren’t wearing perfectly applied lipstick all day, their heels weren’t high enough, and because they didn’t “talk the way a Honey should talk”. I saw workers sexually harassed and intimidated by customers – and when these women spoke up, management told them to suck it up.’

One story by ex-employee Dominic Jericho Drury has also been shared hundreds of times on Facebook, detailing their own experience working at Honey Birdette. They likened their employment with the company to an ‘abusive relationship – obviously insane from the outside but alluring enough to still suck people in.’ They recalled repeated harassment by customers, claiming ‘we had to put up with this, as there was no way we would be supported if looking after ourselves came before making a sale.’ Their story highlights the extremes expected of employees to be considered a true Honey.

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Call to action as women stand up against Honey Birdette. Source: Twitter

Over the past twenty four hours, the Honey Birdette Facebook page has been inundated with posts from customers who claim they will be boycotting the store. Many of the posts – mostly from women – demand that Honey Birdette change their policies, or share stories from other ex-employees supporting the protest’s allegations. While it is amazing to see women standing together to protect the rights of their fellows, Honey Birdette are yet to acknowledge and respond to the protests. There have been no posts by the page or on their website following the accusations.

These stories paint a picture nothing like the one Honey Birdette speaks of when it claims to ‘empower women.’ In order to empower women, you have to respect them, treat them fairly, and allow them to stand up for themselves. From small issues like requiring girls to wear perfect red lipstick and high heels for their long shifts, to bigger issues like shutting down complaints of sexual harassment, the protest and petition are shedding a very ugly light upon the company that was created with feminist ideas in mind.

It is not empowerment when women are forced to show their bras and wear stilettos just to keep their job. It is not empowerment when women are paid to have people talk to them in unwanted sexually explicit ways. It is not empowerment when women are scared to speak up about feeling uncomfortable in the workplace for fear of losing their job. This is not sexual empowerment. This is not even women empowerment. Silencing sexual harassment allegations and enforcing dress codes that play on sexualising women for the public (read as: male) gaze is disempowering.

It’s one of those problems that seem to stem from trying to apply a quick fix to a deeply ingrained societal issue. Sexual empowerment is not as simply as wearing a lacy bra or holding a riding crop. It is not red lipstick during the day or wearing stilettos as high as possible. Sexual empowerment is about choice, and feeling good about those choices. If you take away the ability to choose, then you make it impossible to empower women.

Dress codes and workplace policies are a fact of life. But sexism and sexual harassment shouldn’t be.

Featured Image: Source: Facebook

 

Being ‘Triggered’ is not a Joking Matter. STOP

Posted on by Noelle Martin

The use of the word or meme ‘triggered’ has become popular on social media. It is typically used as an insult or as a joke to refer to feminists who take offense at harmful things being said or done in society.

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Actual meme on the internet

It has to stop.

Why? Let me break this down for you.

  1. Being triggered is a real symptom of PTSD

An actual symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder is that an individual can experience triggers from something they see on the news or internet for example, that can set off negative emotional responses including anger, anxiety, flashbacks, pain, fear, sadness and panic. Being triggered can cause physical responses such as loss of appetite, shaking, fatigue, racing heart beat and so much more.

Being triggered is NOT a laughing matter. It is not a joke. It’s not funny.

It is a real fucking symptom of PTSD. Have some sensitivity.

Stop using triggered as an insult or a joke because not only is it insensitive and rude. It dismisses, trivialises, undermines and ignores the severity of what it means to experience mental illness and trauma.

    2. It is fucking dismissive and rude

We often see people using ‘triggered’ as an insult to show that feminists overreact or are easily provoked by issues that affect us.

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Actual meme on the internet

 

It’s not a joke that we are affected by the gender wage gap. It’s not a joke that we are angered by sexual assault. It’s not a joke that we are offended by sexist rhetoric. We are affected and angered by such things. Stop dismissing our feelings as just being ‘triggered’. Stop undermining our anger as just being ‘triggered.’ Stop trivialising our opinions as just being ‘triggered’.  It’s rude.

My disgust and anger to racist, sexist and homophobic remarks have personally been dismissed as just being ‘triggered.’ I was in a political group on Facebook as part of my university and there were some racist, homophobic, sexist things being said in it. Horrendous things like ‘anyone who doesn’t identify as male or female are just pretending so they can be different.’ One group member’s response to Islamophobia was ‘if Muslims weren’t here in the first place they wouldn’t have to deal with such confronting and offensive imagery !!!!’

Of course I was pissed, disgusted, offended and angered by such horrendous remarks. I spoke out about the things being said to a woman’s group, but the initial response from the political group was that I was just triggered and that nobody should ‘provoke her please.’

Absolutely I was provoked by such racist, homophobic, sexist remarks –  but don’t dismiss my outrage as just being ‘triggered’.

    3.  It perpetuates the culture of victim blaming

When people dismiss the reactions, feelings and opinions of  feminists or anyone for that matter, as just being ‘triggered’, they are effectively perpetuating the culture of victim blaming. They are placing the blame on women for feeling the way they do, they are placing the blame on women for being angered by things that are outright offensive. They are shaming women who stand up to harmful sexist, racist, bigoted rhetoric and actions.

With all this ‘triggered’ rhetoric and victim blaming, I’m genuinely concerned that society has lots its grips with basic concepts of right and wrong. With justice and injustice.

dontblameyou
An actual meme on the internet

We see victim blaming all the time. It’s the kind of attitude that attacks and criticises the conduct of the victim, instead of the perpetrators of a crime. It’s the sentiment that somehow the victim is at fault for the wrongdoings committed against them, or worse that the victim deserves the harm.

We see it in cases of rape, revenge porn, image-based sexual assault. If she wasn’t wearing such revealing clothes she wouldn’t have been raped. If she didn’t send nude photos, he wouldn’t have uploaded them online. If she didn’t post risqué photos to social media, they wouldn’t be photo shopped into porn. If she was being abused at home she should’ve just left him.

Have we all gone fucking mad?

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Source: BuzzFeedNEWS

When Kim Kardashian West was robbed of millions of dollars worth of jewellery at gunpoint, and reportedly tied-up and gagged by a couple of masked men in a Paris hotel. The public reaction was extremely telling of where we are at with our views toward women and how much we are blaming the victim instead of the perpetrators. It’s ridiculous that the public outcry was to blame her for the robbery because of her celebrity status, or what she wears or because she shouldn’t have been flaunting her wealth – instead of condemning the perpetrators.

This insensitive, dismissive and disgusting ‘triggered’ craze needs to STOP. Seriously.

 

Madonna Shuts Down Sexist Social Expectations on Women

Posted on by Noelle Martin

Society says that once a woman becomes a wife, has kids or reaches a certain age then they are no longer allowed to express their sexuality. Women who breach this outdated social norm are slut-shamed, condemned, criticised and judged for the way they dress, act and speak.

They say ‘Is that dress really appropriate for a mom to wear? What kind of example are you setting for your daughter?’ They say ‘you’re 60, you should cover up.’ They say ‘how does he [the husband] allow his wife to dress like that let alone go out in public.’ They say ‘you’re a bad role model for young women.’ They say ‘you have no self-respect.’

 

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Source- Instagram: Madonna

 

Well, the star who needs no introduction. The one and only Madonna recently posted a number of semi-nude photos onto her Instagram under the caption “Still Acting my Age!!!” accompanied by some choice words:

“How do i know I’m still acting my Age? Because its MY age and its MY life and all of you Women Hating Bigots need to sit down and try to understand why you feel the need to limit me with your fear of what you aren’t familiar with. You know what happens to Bigots? NOTHING! Nothing happens to people who. Think in a limited way. Facts… ” wrote Madonna.

Yaassss girl Yasssss!

Thank you for living your life how you want and not how society says you must. Thank you for fighting against this sexist expiry date that dictates when a woman can or cannot express their sexuality. Thank you for fighting to dismantle the sexist social expectations placed upon women.

But at a time where women need the support of other women to fight the patriarchy and these sexist social expectations- unfortunately, in many cases it’s other girls who are doing the hating. Let’s be real. Girl on girl hate exists. And it sucks.

Girl on girl hate, however unfortunate, is unsurprising. We live in a culture where girls are constantly pinned against each other as rivals. It’s always a ‘Who Wore it Better’ between two women, instead of a ‘They Both Slayed.’ As prominent novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie pointed out in her personal essay We Should All Be Feminists and in Beyoncé’s song ‘Flawless’:

“We raise girls to see each other as competitors —
not for jobs or for accomplishments,
which I think can be a good thing,
but for the attention of men.
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
in the way that boys are.”

So, it really is unsurprising that girl on girl hate exists. Seriously though, why does society, men and other women, think it’s okay to police what women do with their bodies? The same doesn’t happen for men, so why women?

What is it about a woman embracing herself that is so disgraceful and so difficult for society to understand? Isn’t there enough self-hate already? So many people are struggling with learning to love themselves, with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. Yet when a woman shows an ounce of body positivity, confidence and actually embraces herself, society is so ready to bring her down and keep her down.

Another woman who has spoken out about society trying to dictate her sexuality is Kim Kardashian West. Just one scroll through the comments on one of Kim’s photos and you can see the hate for yourself. And you’ve got to hand it to her, despite all the hate, she’s still fighting the good fight for female empowerment and women’s sexual liberation. Earlier this year, on International Women’s Day, Kim posted an essay and hit us all with some truth bombs. She wrote:

 

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Source- Instagram: Kim Kardashian West

 

“I am empowered by my sexuality. I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world.”

How are these women bad role models? They teach young girls: that there is no shame in expressing themselves. That there is no shame in their sexuality. That they shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. That there is no shame in loving themselves and being confident. That they should live their lives on their terms rather than trying not to offend the delicate sensibilities of some people. That they shouldn’t be afraid of being judged by not conforming to sexist expectations of how a woman should dress, act and speak. To me, that’s the message, the fight and the resolve of a powerful role model.

If we believe in personal autonomy, then there shouldn’t be ANY limit on expressing one’s sexuality. Regardless of whether you’re a wife, mother or an older woman, ALL women should be allowed to decide on their own terms what they want to do with their bodies, free from judgement. If that means wearing a ‘burqini’ on the beach, wearing a sheer outfit or being completely covered, turtle-neck and all- Then more power to you.

So how do we change these sexist social expectations on women? Well for a start we need a lot less girl on girl hate and a lot more #GirlLove. Lilly Singh, the popular YouTuber, also known as IISuperwomanII, launched a campaign earlier this year to give the world more of what it needs #GirlLove, a campaign that is ‘Dedicated to ending and reversing the culture of girl-on-girl hatred.’ Check out her video on YouTube titled ‘Goodbye Hate, Hello #GirlLove!’

But for now, keep fighting the good fight against ‘Women Hating Bigots’ and fighting for more #GirlLove.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Cautionary Tale of Sexual Cybercrime: The Fight to Reclaim my Name

Posted on by Noelle Martin

This is a cautionary tale of my experiences as a victim of sexual cybercrime. I’m filled with fear, hesitancy and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability at the prospect of writing this piece. I’ve written a little about my experiences before but never as candid as what is to follow. This time around, I’m fighting to reclaim my name and image, a name and image that has been stolen from me and has depicted me as something I’m not.

So here goes…

It all started a couple of years ago when I discovered through a simple Google Image Reverse search that dozens of photos from my social media were plastered all over pornographic sites: xhamster.com, sex.com, cumonprintedpics.com, motherless.com, titsintops.com you name it.

But let me make one thing clear, none of my photos are or were sexually explicit, they were just ordinary images of myself, that like everyone else my age, and everyone else in today’s internet culture, would post on social media.

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Photo of me taken at age 17

It’s my understanding after years of dealing with this issue that the picture to the right is the one that started it all, or caught the attention of some pervert out there.

Somehow the perverts responsible had also managed to find out all of my details, which were also posted on these porn sites. My name, where I lived, what I studied- Some people on the thread were even trying to find out the name of my childhood best friend, so they could hack into my Facebook.

What’s more, is that on these pornographic sites were extremely explicit and highly offensive comments about myself that are to this day branded in my mind: ‘Cover her face, and I’d fuck her body,’ and ‘the amount of cum that has been spilt over her could fill a swimming pool.’ I was also called a ‘whale.’

The discovery was traumatising. I was frightened that a perpetrator would try and contact me in person. It was brutal. I immediately went to the police station, but this was before all this exposure to ‘revenge porn’ was dominating discussion in society. The police had told me that essentially there was nothing they could do, as there was nothing illegal going on, because once you upload a photo to Facebook anyone can take it and do anything they want with it, and that I had to contact the websites myself to take them down and just ensure that my social media settings were set to private.

I know now that what was happening to me is called ‘parasite porn’- the term used when ordinary images are taken from a person’s social media site and posted on threads in pornographic sites, usually alongside highly offensive, explicit and objectifying comments.

I also know that there are so many more young women who are victims of ‘parasite porn’ but haven’t a clue and all the while being preyed on by perverted men. The screenshot below is taken from just one website:

pic-3
As you can see, some young women from Instagram are being preyed upon.

For these perverted men, they might argue that what they’re doing may be questionable but technically they aren’t breaking any laws or rules. Unfortunately, they would be right. Under Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, ‘When you publish content or information using the Public setting, it means that you are allowing everyone, including people off of Facebook, to access and use that information, and to associate it with you.’

Perpetrators of ‘parasite porn’ might not be breaking any rules or laws right now. But it’s not far-fetched to imagine that at some point in the future, society does witness the rise in the incidence of ‘parasite porn,’ and we ask ourselves: how are we allowing this? Is it really okay for others to do anything they want with an image they find online even if it means objectifying, sexualising and preying on the victim? Is this the risk young women have to take to have an online presence? How will we deal with this issue?

So while ‘parasite porn’ might not break any rules or laws, what it does do-is open up the floodgates to an even crazier world. The world of ‘morphed porn’- where ordinary images are manipulated and superimposed on naked bodies or edited to create a more sexualised effect, and posted on porn sites.

This is where my story takes a turn for the worst…

I soon learnt that my face was being photoshopped onto naked women and I was being depicted as an adult actress. Some solo, some with other porn stars and in one image I’m being ejaculated on by two men. Today, Photoshop is so advanced that it’s really not that difficult to morph an image and make it look real- and some of mine do, which has been the cause of so many sleepless nights worrying about my future employability.

pic-888The newest morphed image is me photoshopped me onto the cover of porn film, ‘Buttman’s Big Tit Adventure Starring Noelle Martin and 38G monsters’ it says.

From the initial discovery and throughout this process, I contacted all the relevant government agencies and even the Australian Federal Police. I explained my story numerous times but I was always transferred or directed to the next agency or simply not responded to.

So I just had to take matters into my own hands. I frantically went about getting the websites removed with varying degrees of success. Luckily most sites obliged my request for deletion. Until one particular site, the site containing the ‘morphed images.’ I had sternly requested this site be deleted, but the Webmaster refused to do so unless I sent him intimate images of me. When I of course refused and demanded the page be removed, he threatened to send the photos to my university and my father. I knew better than to give into blackmail, so I held strong, but the site wasn’t deleted until much later.

Yet again, I know there are so many girls who literally don’t know about this- it’s a terrifying prospect. The screenshot to the right is from just one site.new

Now, some of you may be thinking that I should’ve just had my photo settings on private, or that I shouldn’t upload ‘risqué’ photos, or that I should just quit social media forever.

I thought the same for a long time, I was filled with shame, embarrassment and disappointment. But I’ve come to terms with the fact that I shouldn’t be ashamed at all. I haven’t done anything wrong. Like many others, I’m just another victim of sexual cybercrime.

In fact, now I would say that firstly, no matter how careful you are with your privacy settings on social media. There are always ways around it. These perverts can and do look through photos in the club taken by the club photographer, events pages and even your friends’ accounts

Secondly, blaming the victim is the easy option, especially in this culture of victim-blaming. Where victims of ‘revenge porn’ are asked why they sent nude photos in the first place, instead of why the boys posted them online. We should be asking why these perverted men aren’t being held to account for their actions and for the harm they have not only caused me, but all the other victims subjected to sexual cybercrime.

Lastly, while it may be common knowledge that the internet is a dangerous place and we should all be careful about what we put on the internet, NOBODY expects that when they upload a photo onto Instagram or Facebook, that they’ll end up being depicted as adult actress, with their name and image smeared and misrepresented in a sexually explicit and highly offensive way.

Today, the media is dominated by news of ‘revenge porn.’ We know about the harms of revenge porn to victims that they are more vulnerable to suicide, depression, emotional distress, humiliation and the list goes on.What we don’t hear are the issues of ‘parasite porn’ and ‘morphed porn,’ maybe because most of the victims don’t know they’re victims, which is terrifying enough. But an even more terrifying prospect is that you don’t need to have taken or sent a sexually explicit photo to be at risk.

If you discover that you’re also a victim of ‘parasite porn’ or ‘morphed porn,’ there’s hope still. Now, Google allows you to request the removal of certain photos and videos posted without consent from Google Search Results.

Befitting it seems, how relevant the words of Brené Brown are, the world’s most renowned researcher in shame and vulnerability:

When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.

So here I am, reclaiming my name.

 

 

Featured Image: Zac Quitzau Facebook: Zac’s Doodles

 

 

 

 

Eastern Women in the West: Culture or Sexual Liberation?

Posted on by smeethajay

For most of my life I thought the talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ was just a thing of movies, where the parents would sit down their children to talk about sex. The year I started university was when I finally got ‘the talk’. Well, sort of, because what I heard sounded very different to the movies. Mine sounded something like this:

Sex happens between a husband and a wife for the purpose of making babies. It should only happen once you are married and never before. You should never let a guy touch you before you are married to him. Even if you truly believe he will marry you in the future there’s a possibility he won’t, and then nobody else will marry you. I know lots of guys pretend like they are liberal minded and willing to marry a girl who has had sex before, but they aren’t. They just say that so they can get a chance to have sex and then leave you. When a man is looking for a wife they only want a virgin girl, regardless of how liberal they might have pretended to be before that. Even if you have never had sex before but spend lots of time dating boys out in public – especially at night time – then society will still think you have had sex and are no longer pure enough to be someone’s wife. Then nobody will want to marry you and you will grow old alone.

What’s more is that these words came from a place of pure intentions and complete love. They told me this because they truly believed that what they were saying was fact. They were raised by a culture that taught them the values of ‘sexual purity’, and they were terrified that if I unknowingly breached those values I might not find a life partner and I would end up lonely. They just wanted me to be happy in life.

When I heard this I thought I knew better than to let their archaic cultural values influence me, to let them define me by my sexuality. I was wrong.

I found myself wasting lots of time wondering if my entire worth as a person was solely connected to my vagina. And if so, why was I bothering to prove myself to be an intelligent and ambitious university student, or a socially just humanitarian? Four years later and I am still trying to decide what percentage of my value is derived from the condition of my hymen.

It can be very confusing for an Eastern girl growing up in the West.

It can often take a significant toll on your daily life. You start getting socially anxious in ordinary situations. You’re regularly questioning how you should or shouldn’t act in order to fit into society. You feel torn between what is right and wrong based on the vastly different social perceptions from two unique cultures. It’s already hard enough finding your identity in this world, but trying to reconcile Eastern perceptions of women with Western perceptions proves emotionally taxing and can lead to depression.

Some of you might be thinking that surely nobody believes things like that these days, because for the most part the West has long since moved away from traditional expectations of female sexuality. However, the East has not.  These archaic views of sexuality are very common amongst culturally Eastern communities, regardless of their geographic location. In Eastern cultures it is not possible for women to be faithful to their cultural origins whilst also being sexually liberal.

But the same isn’t true for men.  A man’s value and worth are based on their accomplishments. Yet for Eastern women our accomplishments are overlooked if we are no longer ‘virgins’, and our worth is completely diminished. Why must I make a choice that my male counterpart is not required to make? How is it fair that Eastern women are judged by our sexuality when Eastern men are judged by their accomplishments?

Growing up in the West we are taught at school that men and women are equal. Growing up as an Eastern woman in the West I was taught the same, but with a caveat: that our worth as women is solely linked to our sexual purity, or lack thereof.

For Eastern cultures, the extent of gender equality should not stop at sexuality. So why are their words branded in my mind, still so hard to shake off?

How do Eastern women in the West reconcile our cultural roots and our sexuality? How do we change these social views? Or are we required to choose between the two?

Featured Image: Zac Quitzau Facebook: Zac’s Doodles

Skinny is Not a Prerequisite to Happiness

Posted on by jmsheridan

Words: Jessica Sheridan

When I was 18 I was fat. Not as fat as I am right now, but still generically fat. I had some slight issues with self esteem at the time, but nothing too terrible. Just the usual self-doubt all teenagers go through. But for the most part I could see my positive qualities when I looked in the mirror. I liked my hair. My eyes. My boobs. And my boyfriend at the time could see beauty in me too, and wasn’t bothered by my weight. I was in my first year of my dream degree, I had a good circle of friends, and I was recovering from depression. For the most part, I was happy.

Things changed when I met my boyfriend’s mother.

She had already expressed her dislike for me, despite never having met me. She wanted her son to date someone from the same cultural background as her family, which I understood to some extent. But she seemed to get over it with time and eventually asked to meet me in person. I was hopeful and dressed nicely that day. I was polite, I smiled, I even brought a gift for her. But after accepting my gift, she spoke a single phrase in Mandarin and left the room.

I don’t speak Mandarin, but anyone could have guessed something was wrong. Still, it can’t have been that bad, right? I asked my boyfriend what was wrong and he simply replied that she did not like me. How? How could she not like me? We had barely spoken before she left the room, and I didn’t think it was possible to actively dislike someone without getting to know them first. I grew more concerned the longer he refused to explain what had happened. Had I worn too much make-up? Was my gift wrong? Should I have tried to learn some Mandarin before meeting her? It wasn’t until we were outside his apartment and on our way out for lunch that he finally translated what had happened.

‘She said you’re too fat.’

I didn’t know how to respond. I’d been told I was fat before, countless times. Growing up my parents had regularly tried to pressure me into losing weight because they were worried about my health. But whenever I went to the doctor my physical health was always fine. Eventually I learned to take their comments in stride, because I knew it at least came from a place of love. And of course I had heard the occasional comment from kids during school or strangers on the street, but it never had any real consequences for me.

But this had not come from a place of love. This was not a passing comment in the heat of the moment. ‘You’re too fat.’ I knew I was fat. But I didn’t know I was too fat.

I did what a lot of 18 year olds in my position would have done: I cried my eyes out. My boyfriend told me his mother was wrong and tried to brush it off as unimportant – he didn’t care what his mother thought, so why should I? My parents and friends told me that I didn’t have to lose weight for anyone but myself – I shouldn’t let it get to me.

But it did. I became obsessed with my weight. I started hitting the gym every day for hours at a time, sometimes twice a day. I stopped eating altogether at first, but luckily I had a loving family who intervened before it became a habit. Instead I began counting every calorie, skipped entire meals if I felt bloated, refused to go to parties with friends in case I was tempted to drink or eat something unplanned. I was in my first year of a double degree but I skipped class to be at the gym. In the first month I dropped 12 kilograms.

My family was initially happy to see me losing weight, but they saw my obsession and warned me to slow down. My boyfriend didn’t mention my weight loss at all to me, until one day I asked him if he had noticed my body shrinking. He had of course, but it hadn’t changed what he thought of me. I was still me, no matter my size. Everybody who loved me continued to love me just the same. Yet there I was, entirely focused on losing weight to earn the approval of a person who had deemed me not good enough because of my size.

And I was not happy.

It took me a long time to realize that losing weight for the approval of someone else was never going to be the right way to lose weight. It was never going to make me happy because it wasn’t what I wanted. I had exerted so much energy and time and thought into making myself unhappy. Over time I learned that even if I did lose weight, she would never think I was good enough for her son, and in the end he wasn’t the one for me. But it took repeated attempts at weight loss and a lot of self criticism before I learned that I was better off losing negative people from my life than I was losing numbers from a scale.

People, especially women, are often expected to conform to what other people believe is the ideal body type. People are always commenting on our bodies, as though they are an artwork on display for critique and comment. But while we are all artworks, we aren’t on display for the approval of others. I realised that I should not be changing my body to make other people happy. The only person whose happiness should be affected by my body was me. If other people chose to judge my character on my weight then it was their problem, not mine. It was not my job to alter my artwork to make other people feel comfortable.

This was not a lesson I learned over night, and it definitely wasn’t easy to put into practice. In a lot of ways I am still learning that my weight – and my appearance generally – should only matter to me. Some people seem almost reckless in the way they choose to ostracise and bully people for the most obscure and unimportant things. But what these other people think doesn’t matter. Those that love you, and decent people all around, won’t care about your weight. They won’t care about how you look, because they know that it doesn’t define who you are. You can be a beautiful, happy, and wonderful person worthy of love and respect, and be fat.

If I am already happy not being skinny, then I don’t have to be skinny to be happy.

 

Featured Image: Zac Quitzau Facebook: Zac’s Doodles

The Silhouette of Slut Shaming

Posted on by Noelle Martin

She doesn’t fuck around, she’s a good girl. Ever heard that before? How about ‘look at what she’s wearing, has she no self-respect.’ What about something like, ‘I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed.’ Ever heard, ‘she’s elegant and classy, she’s the girl you bring home to your mum,’ or ‘leave a little to the imagination,’ or ‘if you show your legs you can’t show your cleavage, it’s one or the other.’ What about something like, ‘she fucks everyone, she must have some deep-rooted issues.’

What about, ‘she’s a filthy slut’?

All of the above are everyday examples that wreak of ‘slut shaming.’ Slut shaming refers to certain attitudes that criticise, judge and demonise females for violating traditional gender norms about women’s sexuality. It’s the deep rooted sentiment that a woman’s worth is somehow dependent on her ‘flower’ or her sexuality.

Here’s everything that’s wrong with slut shaming:

1- We’re damned if we do, we’re damned if we don’t

When a woman engages in casual sex, she’s a slut. Even if a woman just dates men, it’s assumed she’s sleeping with them, and she’s a slut. Taylor Swift, is infamously known and heavily criticised for dating many men, and she has described herself as a ‘national lightning rod for slut-shaming.’

When a woman says things of a sexual nature she’s a slut- Olivia Melville made headlines when a man posted to Facebook a screenshot of her Tinder profile which contained the rapper, Drake’s lyric, “The type of girl that will suck you dry and then eat some lunch with you,” accompanied with his caption ‘Stay classy ladies.’ Since, the incident Melville has been subject to sexual harassment.

Even when a woman says things that could be inferred as sexual, she’s a slut. When a woman dresses provocatively she’s a slut. Miley Cyrus and Kim Kardashian West to name a few, are demonised for how they choose to dress, to the point that their success and accomplishments are undermined and disregarded.

Essentially anytime a woman expresses her sexuality, she’s a slut. And yes, this is a sexist issue because there is no male equivalent. Women are sluts and men are glorified for the same actions. Slut shaming is a form of sexism and is a sexual injustice.

What’s more, is that for females who don’t necessarily violate traditional gender norms, then their femininity is called into question, they are seen as undesirable and prudish with no sexual desires. So, there’s really no way out for women. We are damned if we do, damned if we don’t.

2- Mixed expectations

The greatest irony of slut shaming is that our culture actively encourages the sexualisation of females. We live in a hypersexualised world where sex sells, yet when a woman embraces her sexuality for herself she’s a slut. So it’s okay for society to dictate how a woman should look, act, dress and behave, but it’s not okay for a woman to dictate how she lives her life. So, really, slut shaming is another way of policing how a woman should live their lives and undermines a woman’s right to personal autonomy.

3- A supposed ‘correlation’ between sex and worth

Slut shaming incorrectly assumes that the way women dress or act is reflective of their self-worth and self-respect. The thing is- women have sexual desires too! Just because a woman sleeps around doesn’t mean they have no self-respect or self-worth, they might just like  sex- it’s really as simple as that.

4- It’s us against the world

Slut shaming can occur at the hands of society, men and yes- women too. Yes- many women, and this is arguably the worst kind of slut-shaming. Women who slut shame other women reinforce this girl on girl hate, when we should be empowering other women, I mean, women already have to face it from the rest of society, we need more female solidarity.  People who have slut shamed others have lost their jobs. A Sydney man Michael Nolan, would call women sluts on Facebook, until feminist writer, Clementine Ford brought it to the public’s attention and he was subsequently fired from his job. But is the court of public opinion in bringing perpetrators of slut shaming to justice enough?  Should there be slut-shaming specific laws in Australia? What would such laws look like? Food for thought.

5- The harm is significant

To be labelled a ‘slut’ diminishes a woman’s worth, respectability, reputation, and reduces her to ‘damaged goods.’

Sadly, it is not uncommon for victims of slut shaming to take their lives because of the harm, humiliation, ridicule and harassment that comes with slut shaming. Advances in technology also make incidents of slut shaming more prevalent and easier to carry out. Revenge porn is a serious example of slut shaming, and involves the spread of sexually explicit material of usually women, typically by ex-lovers, to humiliate and degrade a girl. Victims of revenge porn can experience sexual harassment, depression, humiliation and their employability can be compromised.

6- Perpetuates broader social injustices

Slut shaming has serious social implications as it actually fuels rape culture and victim blaming. The term ‘rape culture’ brings to light how females are blamed for acts of sexual violence committed against them, because of how they dressed or how they behaved. Controversial statements from police officers and politicians have tried to justify incidents of rape by victim blaming a female’s provocative clothing or sexual promiscuity. Which makes the awareness of slut shaming even more important, because it affects a wide range of sexual injustices.

But, things are changing:

Now, luckily there is an emerging movement to reclaim the word ‘slut,’ to rid it from negative connotations and to use it as a tool of women’s sexual empowerment.  Rapper Brooke Candy in a lyric says ‘that it’s time to take the word back slut is now a compliment.’ Amber Rose, a famous player in bringing awareness to slut shaming and reducing the shame around female sexuality created the ‘Amber Rose Slut Walk.’ Furthermore, sex positivity is being encouraged by ‘The Unslut Project’ where people can openly talk about their sexual experiences, free from judgement to work against sexual bullying and slut shaming.

So, if you’re someone who believes that women should have personal autonomy and should be in control of how they live their lives, sexually promiscuous or not, without fear of condemnation and judgment, then slut shaming should be on your radar. Slut shaming affects all women.

For too long women have been told: to be afraid and ashamed of their sexuality; that the sexual woman is the unworthy bad woman. For too long, women have been told how to dress, speak and act. The silhouette of slut shaming is broad, dangerous and not a pretty sight, it is so important to be prepared to speak up if you see, hear or feel it, however trivial the circumstances.

Featured Image: Zac Quitzau. Facebook: Zac’s Doodles